When I was living in Baltimore, I regularly passed the sign that is on the cover of your bulletin. It is at the beginning of I-70 westbound, and helpfully lets you know how far it is to some major destinations. Every time I passed it, I found myself relieved that I would not be traveling to Denver or Cove Fort – as much as I love traveling, the idea of being on the same road for 1700 or 2200 miles it just a bit too much to take in. And this isn’t even what Google informs me is the longest road in the United States – Route 20 – spanning 3,365 miles from Newport, Oregon to Boston, Massachusetts. All of this to say something we already know – sometimes, the roads are long.
And, depending on the circumstances, our trips on them can feel even longer. Growing up, twice a year we would pile into our family station wagon or minivan and make the trip from Daphne, Alabama to see family in Lexington, North Carolina. That’s only 600 miles, but in a family with 3 children, it usually meant a 12 hour day in the day. I’ve heard from friends who have traveled across the country that nothing feels as long as I-10, when you spend DAYS driving through the state of Texas. Every 3 years the Presbyterian Youth Triennium meets at Purdue University in Indiana, drawing thousands of teens from around the country. While some groups manage to swing airfare, others load up charter buses for overnight journeys. Nothing says long journey like being on a bus with 50 teenagers for 14 hours. Except maybe any distance with a toddler. Almost immediately, the driver or leader begins to hear the question: “Are we there yet?” And it doesn’t take long with multiple passengers for it to turn into that Montreat energizer – “Are we there yet? I gotta go! He’s touching me! She touched me first!”
This is what it likely sounded like in the wilderness as the people of Israel traveled from Egypt to the promised land. 40 years of wandering; 40 years of wondering what was really going to happen to them. As we noted last week, the excitement of leaving Egypt was immediately met with seeming dead-ends as Pharaoh’s army pursued them to the edges of the Red Sea. Even after crossing over the dry land, and watching the waters engulf the chariots of their oppressors, the way for the people of Israel was not without difficulty. The story of the Exodus continues with numerous cycles of the people complaining. In fact:
Four times in the space of less than three months (according to Exodus 19:1. . .), the Israelites complained and quarreled with Moses. . . . The Egyptians pursued; the water was too bitter to drink; food was scarce; the water ran out altogether. Doubt set in; fear overtook, and the people complained and quarreled(1).
They had been promised a land flowing with milk and honey, and at each turn in the road got more impatient, asking “are we there yet?!”
Sometimes, I think, the people of Israel here get a bad rap. We write them off as complainers and use stories like this as a negative example of how NOT to live lives of faith. And while there is some merit to that, I think doing so glosses too quickly over the real issues that the Israelites were experiencing. There’s a difference, you see, in complaining that your water isn’t as cold as you’d like it to drink, and lamenting that your water is undrinkable or nonexistent. The latter is the experience of the people of Israel, and therefore brings about appropriate lament to the God who has promised to care for them.
Last week, we paid attention to the storms that come our way; this week is more about the storms that happen among us and between us and God. A popular MTV show in the 90s characterized one of the first reality shows as being about “what happens when people stop being nice and start being real.” The answer, it seems, to being “real” is that we test each other, complain, and even argue. And this is normal human behavior, particularly when you have more than two people trying to do anything together, whether it’s a family system, congregation, or a whole nation of God’s people in the desert.
Bruce Tuckman, a professor of psychology at Ohio State University, developed a theory in the 60s that still is relevant to group dynamics today. He argued that four stages were “necessary and inevitable in order for a team to grow, face up to challenges, tackle problems, find solutions, plan work, and deliver results(2).” The stages are: Forming, Storming, Norming, and Performing.
Later, he would also add a fifth stage, “adjourning,” for when groups dissolved, and other theorists have followed with suggestions for additional stages of group evolution. This understanding of group dynamics is tremendously helpful in our consideration of what it meant to be the people of Israel. From the opening words of Exodus, we see God’s people of Israel in the formational stage as Moses is called at the burning bush to lead them out of Egypt. The chapters that follow are about that formation. The people join up, literally packing up their lives to start their lives afresh as a freed people.
Then comes the storming stage where things begin to get a bit more tense. During this time, group members form opinions about the character and integrity of other participants, and feel compelled to voice these opinions if they think someone, particularly a leader, isn’t living up to their expectations. As things get harder, the complaints get louder. Disagreements and personality clashes are the result. The group tests each other, and these issues must be worked out in order for the group to move to the next stage of its development. It is a critical mark of relationship.
One commentator likens this story to what happens after the honeymoon is over in a marriage, when some of the rose-colored glasses have been removed. I always remind happily engaged couples who are excitedly planning their weddings that the real test of any relationship, particularly marriage, is not how happy they are, but how well they deal with conflicts as they arise. The best gift I can give them as we meet for pre-marital sessions is how to “fight fair” and work through disagreements in healthy ways. This is true for any group of people who try to be a team. Your success is not related to the amount of stress or conflict, but rather how, and if, you can work through it. That’s what makes all the difference in our relationships in life.
The story of Exodus, then, is presenting how the people of Israel tried to work out their relationships as a people, tested in the hard times we know as life. Complaining, quarreling, whining, lament; whatever you call it, these storming behaviors are a part of being in relationships not just with each other, or with Moses as their leader, but with God as well. Professor Rolf Jacobson notes that:
[this] story does not simply rehearse an episode from Israel’s past, but bears witness to the characteristic nature of life and of relationship with God. It is not the people of Israel who were stiff necked, hard hearted, and characteristically lacking in faith. It is all of us. It is not just the people of Israel whose community was threatened by their characteristic infidelity. It is true of our communities, too(3).
We live in a world marked by complaining, grumbling, and quarreling. This week brought an end to a ferocious political campaign for a seat in Congress. The close results, along with others around the country in the past year, indicate that we are not exactly a people who see eye to eye. In fact, I know that we have people “from both sides” sitting side by side this morning in the pews. There’s bound to be some disagreement. Our challenge is to take it up faithfully, whether we are stuck in the back seat next to a sibling we can’t stand, or driving the bus full of cranky passengers.
Our New Testament reading helps give us some clues. Peter is writing to the early church in tough times. Like the Israelites, they were a community who was suffering, under immense persecution from the Romans. And, a people under immense stress tend to do, they were struggling to find hope, and fighting with each other instead. But Peter calls them to move forward, reminding them of the great witness of God’s presence through Jesus Christ. And he gives them these guidelines for living together: “above all, maintain constant love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins. Be hospitable to one another without complaining. Like good stewards of the manifold grace of God, serve one another with whatever gift each of you has received(4).” These are the tools that will help us when we start to bicker. And, if we let them be our guide, then our disagreements can and will be faithful. We can resolve them, or agree to disagree, and still see each other as children of God, rather than just people we’re stuck in the car with until the end of the trip.
Or, perhaps we could take our cue from how God responds to complaining. Notice this in the Exodus story: God is not characterized as being frustrated or angry at the people’s quarreling and testing. God doesn’t swoop down, in this story at least, and annihilate those who dare to question God’s care for them. In fact, God’s conversation with Moses seems to indicate a keen awareness of the urgency and seriousness of the people’s needs in crisis. In response, God provides an appropriate response, instructing Moses to strike a rock from which water will gush out.
God graciously and faithfully responds not to the people’s characteristic lack of faith, but to their characteristic human needs. Because God is faithful, God responds out of grace and love(5).
This is the character of God, revealed over and over again to God’s people as many times as it is tested. God gives gentle and patient reminders and markers for the people to know that the same one who said “I am the Lord your God,” is the same one who walks with them now. God’s provisions in the past will become the norm for the people of Israel, and for us as well.
As a group, God’s people begin to embrace such an understanding of the divine, which allows them to move past the storming and complaining and into what Tucker calls “norming.” That part is coming more formally in just a few chapters with the story of the Ten Commandments followed by a LOT of community guidelines to follow. And as the people of God resolve their disagreements and personality clashes, they discover a greater intimacy with each other, and a spirit of cooperation emerges. The same can happen for us. If we are honest with each other, and honest with God; if we are willing to engage in faithful disagreement, and if we are willing to work on our relationships, we might just emerge as individuals and a community who is stronger. And that’s the thing about long road trips, isn’t it? If you can make it through the crankiness on the road, you bond with others who have been through the same experience. And that is where some of our best stories and best friends are made. Maybe, God can be a part of them, too.
~Rev. Elizabeth Lovell Milford
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1) Nancy deClaissé-Walford, “Commentary on Exodus 17:1-7” from WorkingPreacher.org, September 28, 2008, 2) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tuckman%27s_stages_of_group_development
3) Rolf Jacobson, “Commentary on Exodus 17:1-7” from WorkingPreacher.org, February 24, 2008, http://www.workingpreacher.org/preaching.aspx?commentary_id=40. Accessed 6/20/17
4) 1 Peter 4:8-10
5) Rolf Jacobson, Ibid.
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