Reading this passage on the first Sunday of February kind of feels like the Revised Common Lectionary folks cut a deal with Hallmark, doesn’t it? Stores right now are covered in reminders that Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. The only thing holding them back is the Super Bowl displays, which by tomorrow will give way to even more gigantic stuffed animals, heart shaped boxes of chocolate and other things coated in pinks and reds and glitter.
But you know those little conversation hearts? Like the ones on the front of our bulletin? They’ll be a bit harder to find this year. The most popular Sweethearts brand won’t be on the shelves. Necco, the company that produced them, went out of business last year. The brand was purchased in September by the Spangler Candy Company, most known for making Dum Dum lollipops, but that didn’t give them enough time to produce them for this year[iii]. You’ll have to wait for 2020, or substitute another brand. I’ll admit those little chalky candy hearts aren’t my favorite, but it was always fun to try to make a conversation out of them, or see what conversations they might spark.
In place of the candy, perhaps we can let Paul’s words to the Corinthians spark our conversations about love this year instead. For some examples, see the front of your bulletin or the image on the screen. Paul writes these letters to this early church community in Corinth to get them thinking, and talking, about love. However:
Paul inserts this passage in his letter not to offer a pious reflection on the way things should be, but rather to call the Corinthians to account for their behavior. Everything he says love is not, they are; everything he says love is, they are not[iv].
In this text, Paul gives them a mirror to examine themselves. He even uses it as an illustration, a way to call them to attention to the fact that their understanding is no clearer than that reflection in what was likely a polished bronze mirror of the day. Even looking into a modern mirror, we only see ourselves in reverse, never quiet the same as the perception of others[v]. The people in Corinth had not only a love problem, but a perception of love problem. They were unable to see themselves or each other with the same love that they should have as children of God, brought together into divine community united by Christ.
“They just need to know that you love them.” This was the advice a colleague once gave me years ago in the beginning of my time in ministry when I was struggling to see eye to eye with some other leaders I was working with. The advice cut me and I remember reeling. I cared about these people, and valued their contributions to our community. In fact, it was because I cared about them that I was struggling so much. We didn’t agree on some pretty major things, and I was desperately trying to understand their point of view. So I asked a lot of questions, and pressed their answers to get more clarity. I tried to lay out my perspective the best way I knew how: by talking about it. In retrospect, I realize that what was really happening was that my ways of showing that I cared were not being understood as caring at all. In fact, quite the opposite. And my colleague, while well-intentioned, had a very different view of what love looked like in this setting because of their own preferred forms of expressing it. We drove each other a little nuts sometimes because of this.
Have you heard about this theory before? In the 1990s, Baptist Pastor Gary Chapman wrote a book outlining Five Love Languages that has been on the best-seller list ever since. His premise is that there are five ways we express love, and that while each is enjoyed to some degree by all people, each of us has a primary and then secondary way of expressing love, as well as a primary and secondary way we would like to receive expressions of love (and he notes that our styles of giving and receiving may not be the same). I’m going to give you a quick summary of each of them, and invite you to consider which might be your preferred ways of giving, and then receiving, love.
First, quality time. This is giving someone your undivided attention and enjoying shared experiences. It doesn’t matter what activity you are doing, but that the two of you have time together. It means you put down your phones and silence other distractions to allow yourselves to be fully present in the moment.
Second, words of affirmation. Compliments can make someone’s day, whether they are about what someone is doing, how someone looks, or who that person is. Words can come in so many forms, too: conversations, text messages and e-mails, cards, even song.
Third, physical touch. This refers to any kind of physical expression of affection, from handshakes to passionate embrace. You know how some people are “huggers?” Or others naturally reach out to offer a hand on the shoulder when you’re going through a tough time, or who can give your hand an extra squeeze? That may be their expression of love.
Fourth, gifts. Perhaps the most universally understood expression of love, because it’s something we can touch and hold. We literally unwrap these. The price point isn’t what’s important; it truly is the thought that counts, as an item is carefully selected with the recipient in mind.
Fifth, acts of service. For some, actions speak louder than words. Love is shown by doing something, specifically something that brings others happiness. From holding open a door to doing the laundry each week, love in this language is hands-on and actively demonstrated.
It makes sense, I think. Chapman’s original book focused on marriage relationships, encouraging couples to better understand each other by paying attention to these love languages, which in turn could strengthen their unions. With an understanding of love languages, one might learn that his partner really values a carefully selected card for major holidays with words of affirmation for her to receive, for example. But since the original book, other spin-offs have spoken to relationships between parents and children or teens, peer relationships at school, and even interactions with coworkers. Because love languages, much like the passage from 1 Corinthians, aren’t really relegated to just a romantic relationship. They really can be applied to virtually every kind of relationship we find ourselves in.
Even in the church. I wonder if Paul’s letter to the Corinthians in some ways was his attempts to give them “love languages” to use with each other. What if this passage prompted us, as the church of Jesus Christ in 2019, to consider how we might be giving and receiving love not just in our relationships with significant others, or even in our families and friends and workplaces, but also in our own church community? As those who worship in a church with “love grows here” on the side of one of our buildings, it might be worth a few thoughts. And perhaps those activities that we engage in most excitedly are actually reflections of the ways in which we speak love to each other, and to God, as we live out our faith together. Let’s see.
Quality time. There are a lot of things you could be doing right now instead of being here. A lot. You probably just thought of at least 3. And this is true virtually any time we gather as a church. Our lives are busy, and demands on our time are high. And yet, you chose to be here. We choose to spend time in community. Fellowship Events – there is lunch next Sunday after worship, the Hebrews Coffee area, our lovely lunch groups – ROMEOs and JULIETs who are each meeting for lunch THIS WEEK, and other opportunities show this kind of love. It is about the times we are together not because of a committee agenda or programmed experience of faith, but just to gather in God’s name. Informally this happens when we linger a few moments after worship, or find a time to invite someone to lunch. Our youth will do it today after worship as they do the first Sunday of every month.
Words of affirmation. Have you paid someone a compliment today? Said “Thank You”? Our caring connections team works to send cards and affirmations out year-round. Our prayer chain reminds us to lift each other’s lives to God. We do this in worship through prayers as well, along with songs of praise, and our affirmation of faith. In a few weeks we will present the Watwood Window of Service Award, a way we affirm with words and honors those who have given so much to our community. This love is shown every time we celebrate with each other or encourage each other, speaking love and life to build each other up.
Gifts. In worship this one is obvious, as we pass the plates to collect the offering. But there are other tangible gifts in our midst as well. Our liturgist holds a basket of lollipops for young and young at heart after worship. We give visitors loaves of homemade bread as a welcome. This past week Nathan has joyfully assembled and painted a wooden truck that he was given as an attendance reward from Praise Kids. Baskets collect donations for the clothing closet and food pantry, an entire gym fills with Christmas presents for children, and sometimes we even get surprise gifts of supplies in the office, like reams of paper that show up just when we were starting to run low and needed to order more.
Physical Touch. Think about the ways we greet each other during the passing of the peace, or holding hands in prayer. Last week one of our elementary children reached out for the hand of a little one to guide him to where he needed to go. Our sacraments are physical reminders of God’s grace. We touch the waters of baptism and today will eat and drink the bread and cup in communion with Christ. When we ordain officers or pastors, we practice the laying on of hands, and physical touch becomes a reminder of love as well as the power of the Holy Spirit.
Last but not least, Acts of Service. In fact, this one could probably be a sermon in and of itself. Our congregational life is marked by volunteerism. Any attempt to list them all would fall short. And, mindful of the verses before ours today about the body of Christ in 1 Corinthians 12, and Pauls’ repeated reminders that all spiritual gifts are important, I’m going to leave this one to you, and suffice to say that the work that is done here and in Christ’s name in the community by this congregation is remarkable, and that without you – each of you – giving of your time and talents we would not be the church that we are.
Friends, that is a lot of love. It is the bedrock of what it means to be the church. That’s why Paul was so passionate about it, and spent these verses reminding the Corinthians about what love was meant to be.
The love described in 1 Corinthians 13 is a love we experience as God’s unshakable grasp upon our lives. It is the source of our greatest security and, thus, our freedom to actually be patient and kind, to bear all things and not insist on our own way
. . .
For Paul, our capacity to flourish as human beings is realized to the extent that we can live in the love of God revealed in the cross of Jesus Christ[vi].
At our best, our church communities can help us do just that. With faith as our foundation, and Christ as the head, we can dare to live into a glimpse of the love that God has given us. Paul gives the church the framework of what this love looks like, and then asks if we have the courage to live into it. That, indeed, is worth conversation. Amen.
~sermon by Rev. Elizabeth Lovell Milford, Heritage Presbyterian Church, February 3, 2019
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[i] Lewis F. Galloway, “Pastoral Perspective: 1 Corinthians 13:1-13,” Feasting on the Word, Year C Volume 1, David L. Bartlett and Barbara Brown Taylor, Editors, (Louisville, KY: Westminster John Knox Press, 2009).
[ii] Jeffrey D. Jones, “Homiletical Perspective: 1 Corinthians 13:1-13,” Feasting on the Word, Year C Volume 1, David L. Bartlett and Barbara Brown Taylor, Editors, (Louisville, KY: Westminster John Knox Press, 2009).
[iii] https://www.cnbc.com/2019/01/23/americas-favorite-valentines-day-candy-is-unavailable-this-year.html
[iv] Jeffrey D. Jones, “Homiletical Perspective: 1 Corinthians 13:1-13,” Feasting on the Word, Year C Volume 1, David L. Bartlett and Barbara Brown Taylor, Editors, (Louisville, KY: Westminster John Knox Press, 2009).
[v] Christopher R. Hutson, “Exegetical Perspective: 1 Corinthians 13:1-13,” Feasting on the Word, Year C Volume 1, David L. Bartlett and Barbara Brown Taylor, Editors, (Louisville, KY: Westminster John Knox Press, 2009).
[vi] Jerry Irish, “Theological Perspective: 1 Corinthians 13:1-13,” Feasting on the Word, Year C Volume 1, David L. Bartlett and Barbara Brown Taylor, Editors, (Louisville, KY: Westminster John Knox Press, 2009).
